You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a beard to bite.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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