You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this just has baby written all over it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
