good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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