Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
