OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
