After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
