Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
