Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
