So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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