marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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