I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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