Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
