After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
