All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
