the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
