My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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