in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nicole vs. Life
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The best revenge is premature balding
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
