Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
