After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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