I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
