haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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