Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Semen is not good for contacts.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
