Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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