im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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