There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You are the jesus of drinking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
