Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my being single is dangerous.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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