I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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