so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
