i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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