I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
