Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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