I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
