Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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