So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
