i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
