My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
