there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
