you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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