A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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