....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
