Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
