Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
