You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
