i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
