I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
