How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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