she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
