you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
