I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
