she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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