If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize