hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
