is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
