DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
