my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
