I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
