Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
