I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
