I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
