It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
