apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
