he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I want to have your abortion
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize