but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
