Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
