I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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