on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize