Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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