I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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