She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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